Post by Echo on Oct 11, 2013 19:25:28 GMT
(Another short story for my creative writing class. This was our first assignment longer than one page.)
Title: For You
Requirements: Had to be at least 2 pages, no more than three. The first page had to be at least 2/3 dialogue.
“Welcome home, dear.” her voice was tight, but it hardly mattered to him.
“Hey,” came his sullen response as he sat his backpack down on the table.
“How was your day, honey?” she asked, glaring at him until he took a seat at the table across from her with an exaggerated roll of his eyes.
“It was fine, mom.” he muttered, arms folded over his chest.
“Well, what did you learn?”
“Nothing. Can I go to my room now?”
“No, dear. David’s mother called. She mentioned something about finding cigarettes in his backpack. What can you tell me about that?”
His gaze had shifted to the floor, and he’d let his arms fall into his lap. “I..I don’t know anything. What David does is his own deal.”
“David told on you, honey. He told his mom you did it with him. Why can’t you just be honest with me?”
He didn’t respond. His gaze stayed on the tiled floor, as it had nearly daily this past year.
“What am I supposed to do with you, Aaron?” she sighed, rising from the table. “Empty your pockets, and your backpack.”
Aaron shot a furious glare at his mother, but rose and began to empty the contents of his pockets and bag. As a cigarette was thrown on the table, his mother grabbed it in her fingers.
“Go to your room. You’re grounded for a week.”
“But mom -” the boy began to protest, but his mother cut him off with a wave of her hand.
“No, Aaron. Not this time. No more excuses. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of you.”
Elissa immediately looked up when she heard the front door open. It was just a little after midnight. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be out that late. He also knew she wouldn’t -- or maybe just couldn’t -- do anything about it. She let her book fall closed and rest in her lap.
“Aaron,” Elissa called. His footsteps stopped halfway to his room, and was followed by a long silence. Finally, she heard the thump of his backpack landing on the floor and his feet begin to carry him towards her. When he stuck his head out through the doorway, his face hardly hid his annoyance at her.
“Yeah?” he asked, visibly itching to leave her sight.
Elissa sighed before she spoke. She had already played this conversation out in her head; she knew exactly where it would go. “I know that you’ve been sneaking out at night.”
“Yeah, what about it?” his voice had no trace of guilt or remorse, not like when he was younger. Just two years ago he would have gotten quiet, and soon he’d let it all out. He’d tell her everything. Then they’d be okay again, until the next time. After that last time, though, he’d grown so distant. She knew it was her fault.; she just wasn’t fit to be a mother. Too young, too immature. It was her incompetence that kept bringing her son down, and she had no idea how to lift him back up.
“Aaron,” Elissa paused for a moment to try to gather her thoughts. She knew that whatever she said wouldn’t matter to him. “You’re heading down a bad path, Aaron.”
“I have a job that pays enough to live on. That’s more than can be said for you, mom. You’ve always said dad was worthless, but he isn’t the one who can barely afford to feed himself and his child.” With those final words, Aaron’s head disappeared from the doorway, and he was gone, upstairs to his room. Elissa didn’t try to talk to him again that night. There was nothing to say. Her son was right.
Aaron slowly pulled his window open, although it hardly mattered how quiet he was. She knew that he was sneaking out. She just didn’t care enough to stop him, which was fine with him. It was definitely easier without a nagging mother hanging over his shoulder.
His feet hit the dirt with a soft thud, and he began to run. Until he saw the shiny black car parked in their driveway. He hesitated, then began moving closer to the car. It wasn’t brand new. It looked like it may have been about three years old. It was well cared for, though. The paint was untouched and the interior flawless. He slipped inside, pleased to find the keys in the glovebox. Aaron had a feeling he wasn’t going back home this time.
Elissa knew something was wrong when her phone’s waling woke her up. These had been happening for awhile now, she was just used to them. Before they could hang up, she grabbed the phone, mumbling a tired “Hello?” into the receiver. The conversation was short, and hardly over before she dropped the phone and set her path for Aaron’s room, now fully awake. Inside his dark bedroom, she saw his empty bed and opened window. Like the man on the phone had said, her son wasn’t home; he’d been found lying in a crashed car a few miles out of town. The car she’d gotten him.
Elissa didn’t care how she’d get to the hospital on the other side of town. Not with her son in the hospital. She’d ignored him her whole life, and she refused to do it again. Not when he needed her most. She didn’t have a car, though, not now. She’d already decided she’d have to go on her feet. Armed with nothing more than determination and love, Elissa began the long run to the hospital.
She hand’t gotten very far before a sharp chest pain wracked her body. She’d been getting smaller ones for awhile now. If money hand’t been so tight, she’d have gone to see a doctor. Now, she was headed right for one. If she could make it there.
Another two steps and her heart spasmed in her chest, a couple of more and another spasm.
It was like clockwork, and the pain that accompanied the jumps of her heart grew more and more intense with each erratic heartbeat. Elissa knew she should stop, at least take a break, but the doctor on the phone had been honest with her. Her son could die within the hour.
Nearly there, the pain was so intense tears began to stream down her pale, sunken cheeks. She finally collapsed on the ground, panting and sobbing, her heart beating too fast, her chest hurting too much, her life ending too quickly. She could see the hospital, only a few meters away, but she knew it was too late. Elissa could feel death’s icy touch seeping through her clothes, through her skin, into her. She knew enough about heart attacks to know that without immediate attention, she’d die. With another sob, not one of fear, or pain, but of regret, she closed her eyes.
She wouldn’t see her son again. Her last memories of the beautiful baby she had brought into this world would be their argument. She could barely remember the warm smile he used to always have plastered on his face. It had been so long.
“I’m fine!” a young man hissed just a few feet off. The voice was strained, but she could tell it was Aaron. She was used to that angry, disobedient tone.
“I’m sure your mother is fine, son. Just --”
“Mom!” Aaron’s voice roused Elissa from the half-awake state she’d been lying in. He sounded so close. Was she too late? Had he already left her?
Then she felt his cold hand in her own, and the warm splash of water droplets on her cheeks. She squeezed her hand a little tighter in his, and he squeezed back.
Another set of hands joined Aaron’s, but this pair went to her chest, ready to start trying to pump her weakly fluttering heart back to life.
“Don’t...” she weakly told the stranger. “It’s my time. I’m ready to go.” He hesitated, but finally nodded and stepped back. They both knew it was a waste of effort.
“Mom?” Aaron began slowly, a little hesitant, “it’s me, Aaron. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You weren’t a bad mother, I was just a crappy son. I’ll be better, I promise - just don’t die...” Elissa could hardly understand him, but it was enough. She tried to squeeze his hand, but her numb fingers wouldn’t move anymore.
“ ‘S okay.” she mumbled, a small smile on her lips. Death’s hands no longer felt so cold, but she was still scared. She wasn’t ready; no one ever was. “I’ll be okay, Aaron. Just... live for me. Be better than me. I love you.” she finished with a breathless sigh, letting her eyes close.
Aaron’s tears stopped as the hand in his grew limp. “No, please, no!” he whispered frantically, desperately trying to find some pulse in her lifeless body. The tears started again, but slower now. He took a deep, shuddering breath and released her hand, letting it rest beside her.
“I will, mom. For you.”
Personal Critique: I sort of liked this one, but it was hard for me. I'm bad at "sad" themes. My goal with this was to try to make my fellow classmates display an emotion, and I did manage that. A few actually teared up, so I'm pleased with it more-or-less.
Title: For You
Requirements: Had to be at least 2 pages, no more than three. The first page had to be at least 2/3 dialogue.
“Welcome home, dear.” her voice was tight, but it hardly mattered to him.
“Hey,” came his sullen response as he sat his backpack down on the table.
“How was your day, honey?” she asked, glaring at him until he took a seat at the table across from her with an exaggerated roll of his eyes.
“It was fine, mom.” he muttered, arms folded over his chest.
“Well, what did you learn?”
“Nothing. Can I go to my room now?”
“No, dear. David’s mother called. She mentioned something about finding cigarettes in his backpack. What can you tell me about that?”
His gaze had shifted to the floor, and he’d let his arms fall into his lap. “I..I don’t know anything. What David does is his own deal.”
“David told on you, honey. He told his mom you did it with him. Why can’t you just be honest with me?”
He didn’t respond. His gaze stayed on the tiled floor, as it had nearly daily this past year.
“What am I supposed to do with you, Aaron?” she sighed, rising from the table. “Empty your pockets, and your backpack.”
Aaron shot a furious glare at his mother, but rose and began to empty the contents of his pockets and bag. As a cigarette was thrown on the table, his mother grabbed it in her fingers.
“Go to your room. You’re grounded for a week.”
“But mom -” the boy began to protest, but his mother cut him off with a wave of her hand.
“No, Aaron. Not this time. No more excuses. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of you.”
----
Elissa immediately looked up when she heard the front door open. It was just a little after midnight. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be out that late. He also knew she wouldn’t -- or maybe just couldn’t -- do anything about it. She let her book fall closed and rest in her lap.
“Aaron,” Elissa called. His footsteps stopped halfway to his room, and was followed by a long silence. Finally, she heard the thump of his backpack landing on the floor and his feet begin to carry him towards her. When he stuck his head out through the doorway, his face hardly hid his annoyance at her.
“Yeah?” he asked, visibly itching to leave her sight.
Elissa sighed before she spoke. She had already played this conversation out in her head; she knew exactly where it would go. “I know that you’ve been sneaking out at night.”
“Yeah, what about it?” his voice had no trace of guilt or remorse, not like when he was younger. Just two years ago he would have gotten quiet, and soon he’d let it all out. He’d tell her everything. Then they’d be okay again, until the next time. After that last time, though, he’d grown so distant. She knew it was her fault.; she just wasn’t fit to be a mother. Too young, too immature. It was her incompetence that kept bringing her son down, and she had no idea how to lift him back up.
“Aaron,” Elissa paused for a moment to try to gather her thoughts. She knew that whatever she said wouldn’t matter to him. “You’re heading down a bad path, Aaron.”
“I have a job that pays enough to live on. That’s more than can be said for you, mom. You’ve always said dad was worthless, but he isn’t the one who can barely afford to feed himself and his child.” With those final words, Aaron’s head disappeared from the doorway, and he was gone, upstairs to his room. Elissa didn’t try to talk to him again that night. There was nothing to say. Her son was right.
---
Aaron slowly pulled his window open, although it hardly mattered how quiet he was. She knew that he was sneaking out. She just didn’t care enough to stop him, which was fine with him. It was definitely easier without a nagging mother hanging over his shoulder.
His feet hit the dirt with a soft thud, and he began to run. Until he saw the shiny black car parked in their driveway. He hesitated, then began moving closer to the car. It wasn’t brand new. It looked like it may have been about three years old. It was well cared for, though. The paint was untouched and the interior flawless. He slipped inside, pleased to find the keys in the glovebox. Aaron had a feeling he wasn’t going back home this time.
---
Elissa knew something was wrong when her phone’s waling woke her up. These had been happening for awhile now, she was just used to them. Before they could hang up, she grabbed the phone, mumbling a tired “Hello?” into the receiver. The conversation was short, and hardly over before she dropped the phone and set her path for Aaron’s room, now fully awake. Inside his dark bedroom, she saw his empty bed and opened window. Like the man on the phone had said, her son wasn’t home; he’d been found lying in a crashed car a few miles out of town. The car she’d gotten him.
Elissa didn’t care how she’d get to the hospital on the other side of town. Not with her son in the hospital. She’d ignored him her whole life, and she refused to do it again. Not when he needed her most. She didn’t have a car, though, not now. She’d already decided she’d have to go on her feet. Armed with nothing more than determination and love, Elissa began the long run to the hospital.
She hand’t gotten very far before a sharp chest pain wracked her body. She’d been getting smaller ones for awhile now. If money hand’t been so tight, she’d have gone to see a doctor. Now, she was headed right for one. If she could make it there.
Another two steps and her heart spasmed in her chest, a couple of more and another spasm.
It was like clockwork, and the pain that accompanied the jumps of her heart grew more and more intense with each erratic heartbeat. Elissa knew she should stop, at least take a break, but the doctor on the phone had been honest with her. Her son could die within the hour.
Nearly there, the pain was so intense tears began to stream down her pale, sunken cheeks. She finally collapsed on the ground, panting and sobbing, her heart beating too fast, her chest hurting too much, her life ending too quickly. She could see the hospital, only a few meters away, but she knew it was too late. Elissa could feel death’s icy touch seeping through her clothes, through her skin, into her. She knew enough about heart attacks to know that without immediate attention, she’d die. With another sob, not one of fear, or pain, but of regret, she closed her eyes.
She wouldn’t see her son again. Her last memories of the beautiful baby she had brought into this world would be their argument. She could barely remember the warm smile he used to always have plastered on his face. It had been so long.
“I’m fine!” a young man hissed just a few feet off. The voice was strained, but she could tell it was Aaron. She was used to that angry, disobedient tone.
“I’m sure your mother is fine, son. Just --”
“Mom!” Aaron’s voice roused Elissa from the half-awake state she’d been lying in. He sounded so close. Was she too late? Had he already left her?
Then she felt his cold hand in her own, and the warm splash of water droplets on her cheeks. She squeezed her hand a little tighter in his, and he squeezed back.
Another set of hands joined Aaron’s, but this pair went to her chest, ready to start trying to pump her weakly fluttering heart back to life.
“Don’t...” she weakly told the stranger. “It’s my time. I’m ready to go.” He hesitated, but finally nodded and stepped back. They both knew it was a waste of effort.
“Mom?” Aaron began slowly, a little hesitant, “it’s me, Aaron. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You weren’t a bad mother, I was just a crappy son. I’ll be better, I promise - just don’t die...” Elissa could hardly understand him, but it was enough. She tried to squeeze his hand, but her numb fingers wouldn’t move anymore.
“ ‘S okay.” she mumbled, a small smile on her lips. Death’s hands no longer felt so cold, but she was still scared. She wasn’t ready; no one ever was. “I’ll be okay, Aaron. Just... live for me. Be better than me. I love you.” she finished with a breathless sigh, letting her eyes close.
Aaron’s tears stopped as the hand in his grew limp. “No, please, no!” he whispered frantically, desperately trying to find some pulse in her lifeless body. The tears started again, but slower now. He took a deep, shuddering breath and released her hand, letting it rest beside her.
“I will, mom. For you.”
Personal Critique: I sort of liked this one, but it was hard for me. I'm bad at "sad" themes. My goal with this was to try to make my fellow classmates display an emotion, and I did manage that. A few actually teared up, so I'm pleased with it more-or-less.
